What Did/Do You Want?

I frequently use the question “what did/do you want?” to draw out the hearts of others. And most importantly, I use it on myself for self-evaluation in times of anger, fear, despair, etc. I shouldn’t be surprised when the Lord uses this question to reveal answers I was not expecting

I’m sure I have written about this before, but I want to illustrate a point in talking about this again that has been helpful for me in the past week. The question “what did/do you want?” is a great question to help drive towards underlying specific desires (wants) and beliefs, which are then helpful to identify alignment with worship of God or the many idols involved in self worship. The additional reminder for me this week was the need to spend more time there, not satisfied with an initial answer but to elaborate on it and ask questions around it so that the deeper wants begin to surface.

First, let me address my personal real-time use of this question “what do I want?” with an example from this past week. Since I have used this question quite a bit lately in giving info to others, writing, evaluating situations I have been involved in, the Lord graciously allowed me to benefit from the same question! 🙂 And I need it more than anyone in my view! A simple and practical example from everyday living in my home occurred this week while I was sitting on the couch using my laptop with a few extra books near me. As soon as my laptop writing overlapped with Theo’s (my grandson’s) waking hours, there was a collision of wants! Theo wanted my attention, and I wanted to get my writing wrapped up. I was almost done, I only needed a few minutes. Theo’s persistence put me in a situation where I could tell I was getting frustrated (internally). It worked its way outwardly in a gentle push away of the hand and a “c’mon buddy, just a few more minutes”. And his persistence continued, I mean he is only 14 months so why would I expect any different? Then I realized, what was happening, it was really starting to bother me, and at about that time the Lord brought the question to mind, “what do you want right now?”. I wanted a good thing, to get done writing, but it started to become a ruling thing that triggered internal escalation (e.g., frustration brewing in my thoughts of Theo and my daughter for not containing him) and I wasn’t catching it soon enough. I know better than to have my laptop within arms reach, and then a book sitting right there too! Nonetheless, I was fixated on wanting to just get done.

The previous may seem like a minor thing, but these minor things if left unchecked work their way into more significant internal/external reactions. And worse yet, if these “minor” things are ignored then they become a pattern (way of life) that only grows increasingly worse over time. I wanted to get things done, I had a plan, Theo was getting in the way of that plan, I had slipped into becoming the ruler of my world at that moment. Ouch, time to repent! There was my opportunity to deal with the first offense, which is always against the Lord. I was living as if the Lord was not ruler at that moment, that I believed I was, and I didn’t like His plan! That way of operating places me as one who believes I’m sovereign and King, ouch! Acknowledging the previous was a necessary part of specific confession to the Lord (e.g., Psalm 51:1-4, 1 John 1:8-9) and then engage in a simple “put off, put on” exercise in both thought and activity. “Put off” looked like reminding myself to forsake the lie that “I need to get this done right now, my work is of first importance” and move all my stuff to our table to take a break. “Put on” looked like affirmation in thought that the Lord had put Theo in my path in that moment and that it was honoring to the Lord and to Theo to give Theo attention. “Put on” also then meant to take the opportunity to die to self (Luke 9:23-24, Col 3:5, Rom 12:1) and follow Jesus in that moment by serving Theo…literally playing with him.

Next, I’m going to mention just briefly the importance of this question in working with young people, really anyone for that matter. Young people are not thinking much about this depth of self evaluation, the heart, generally speaking. They are very familiar with the external actions/words, and possibly thoughts, with some awareness of their feelings, but by and large young people sway towards being reactionary. So, it is a significant help to them in conversation if you walk them down the journey to the heart, using their actual life examples, and the question “what did/do you want?” can take them in that direction. I was reminded again this week of the need to move somewhat quickly from the circumstances (i.e, situations, people involved, etc) to their own wants and spending time asking questions around there so that THEY eventually tell you what they want in such a way that you get it in color and with some depth. An initial response of “I want my sibling to do this or stop doing that” is a good start, but it has to go deeper. There is more to it than the behavior of another, or any other circumstance happening in the moment. It has to start to hit as wants that are more closely associated with the Lord’s identity (His attributes, like my example of God’s sovereignty) and our identity in Christ (I’m a child of the King, not the King!). As you ask more questions around wants, you’ll identify the specifics of those wants when self worship (rather than worship of God) is at play and what the specific beliefs (lies) fall out of that. As you associate the wants/ and beliefs with a distorted view of God or distorted view of who we are in Him then you have come close to specific idols of the heart that have been formed.

My point in sharing all of this is that it takes work to get to the heart, to get to what is in view with self worship. However, going there helps to build a pattern of repentance that starts with the first offense (against the Lord) and work from there. This frequent exercise keeps us abiding in Him, it is the space where the gospel of Christ is most transformative. A change at the heart level impacts everything after that, from root to fruit!

“For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” - Psalm 51:16-17