By Melissa Hoyt
To the Mother whose Baby is in Heaven,
Another Mother’s Day is upon us. The day that is supposed to be a happy one where we honor and celebrate our mothers. Mother’s day has always been a joyful time in my life celebrating the incredible mother God has given me who has shown me so much about God’s love in my life. Mother’s Day has been a day that I’ve been able to thank God for the children’s lives I have had the privilege to impact in my life even as a single woman.
But this year was an even more exciting year as I got married and had hopes of starting our own family. This year I was supposed to be preparing to become a mother myself. We were elated by the positive news that we were pregnant after the first few months of marriage. This was a time of excitement and awe that God would allow this. To think that our little baby was starting to develop and how God could create a life in a few short weeks was amazing.
Our dreams of becoming parents were quickly dashed as we lost our baby within the first few months of pregnancy. And now this Mother’s Day it is particularly hard to think that we should have been in our last few weeks before we were to meet our new little one.
I think about all that God has allowed in our lives this past year. I want to reach out to the mother who has also lost a baby way too early like me or the woman who is unable to have children. Let us cling to the promises that God loves us and has a plan even in this tragedy.
Let’s let Romans 8:28 touch our hearts to the core: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” We may not understand why God has allowed this grief in our lives, but God will work this trial for His purposes and through it we can become more like Him!
Over the past months I have been encouraged by a book by Jessalyn Hutto, “Inheritance of Tears: Trusting The Lord Of Life When Death Visits The Womb”. Listen to her words of hope:
Tears may, and must come; but if they gather in eyes that are constantly looking up to God and heaven, they will glisten with the brightness of the coming glory.
The eyes of those who have miscarried are easily filled with tears. The pain of losing a baby is often too much to bear, but this world is not as it was meant to be, and it is not what it will be. We must look up to our Savior and entrust our hearts to the one who has tasted death for us and has promised to do away with it forever. Let our eyes glisten with the coming glory of the Son of God–our mighty Conqueror and loving Savior. (Pg. 33-34)
Can we grieve with hope? Can we really trust God through this trial? Confusion, isolation, pain, and despair creep into my own heart as I try to get through my days after loss. But there is hope in a God who is full of love and comfort for those who have experienced such trials in life. Jessalyn Hutto continues in her book:
Women who miscarry often feel isolated in their grief because of the intensely personal loss they’ve experienced. They must remember, or perhaps discover for the first time, that their Savior is ready and willing to comfort them in their sorrow. Indeed, even the feelings of isolation can be a great blessing, for isolation from all worldly comforts forces us to draw comfort from the Lord himself. (pg. 55)
God’s Word has been a source of encouragement to me through the loss. Let’s remember to go to God’s Word to continue to encourage us. In 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, God says “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
But can God really use my suffering to encourage others? Lord, I don’t even want to share the deep grief I have experienced. But over and over again, God reminds me He is using my loss and will continue to use my loss to encourage those around me. One way God has used my suffering is in opening my own heart and eyes to the many women who have experienced the great loss of a baby. Praise God that this suffering is not a waste in my life. And God will use your suffering in your life also if you allow Him to!
As you think about Mother’s Day, it may bring deep pain or great joy to you. May I offer some encouragement from one saint to another as we all continue to learn about what it means to grow closer to our Lord in whatever trials we face?
To the mother of living children: hold your babies tight, thank God for them in your lives, and thank God for the hard times of motherhood. Be gracious to those who do not have children; you may not know their experiences or hardships with a miscarriage or infertility. Your comments, your lack of love for your own children, your complaints about your children, this grieves the mother whose baby is in Heaven. Trust God with what He has given you and know that He loves you in your challenges of life!
To the mother whose baby is in heaven: trust Jesus, drink deeply from His Word, turn to Him for comfort during the intense times of grief, believe that God loves you and has a purpose for all things in your life, and let the body of Christ into your life. I have found that it is hard to let people in. But I have also experienced the blessing that comes in allowing the body of Christ to walk through the grief and pain with me.
The most meaningful encouragement to me from others were the words and cards of scripture. I so desperately needed to be reminded in those first few months of grief that the promises of God through His Word are true! If you have or are experiencing loss today, let someone in that can help you through prayer and encouragement from the Lord. Let God comfort you in a deep way through those around you who love God too!
So as I approach Mother’s Day this year, my heart is sad, but I don’t grieve without hope and trust in my loving Savior. You may have lost a baby way too early, you may be dealing with infertility, or you may have a house full of children. But I pray that your hearts will be filled with God’s love in whatever situation you find yourself in this Mother’s Day.
I leave you with this prayer by Jessalyn Hutto:
Loving Savior, as this beloved sister walks through the immense suffering of losing her baby, would you help her to see how deeply you love her? Would you remind her that you too have suffered the devastating effects of the fall, but that you did so in order to free her from the curse of death? Use this time of intense grief to draw her into greater fellowship with you, that she may be conformed to your image, for her great good and your great glory. I pray all these things because of your substitutionary sacrifice. Amen. (pg. 66)
Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers, whether their children are alive on this earth, with our Loving Savior in Heaven, or if God has only given spiritual children to care for! Take heart and comfort that Jesus loves you so much and wants His name to be glorified through all of life!
Love from a mother whose baby is in Heaven,