Author: Steve Duffy
As you reflect back on this past week, or month, it doesn’t take too long before you’re reminded that many people in your spheres of influence are facing trials. Many times these are situations that are over their head and the circumstances surrounding them are often complex. Life is hard and at the same time our God is always good and faithful though it all. When life gets hard, “counseling” is often mentioned as a default. How do we guide people to the next best step when life gets hard?
First things first…
First, we always do well in being reminded often of the purposes of trials/suffering, God’s provision in them, and our part in the journey. His purposes are summarized nicely in passages like James 1:2-4 (mature), Romans 5:3-5 (endurance, character, hope), Rom 8:28-30 (“conformed to the image of his Son”), and 1 Pet. 1:6-9 (genuine faith). His provision in trials primarily includes Himself by the Spirit, His word, prayer, and His people. In all this we see that as God’s people we have an assured standing with God through Christ and that, “In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.” (Eph. 2:22). We also do well to be reminded that we are merely facilitators in God’s work through His provision and are not responsible for the outcomes! That is both humbling and freeing.
A next step that fits…
I’m grateful for Biblical Counseling at Stonebridge through our Pastors and lay counselors, and the movement overall as it has grown over the years and served Stonebridge and many other churches in Eastern Iowa well. Biblical counseling has personally been a pillar in my own growth in Christ. In the past few years I have engaged in several conversations with many, young and old, married and single, who are facing very challenging situations. When faced with these “over their head” situations, often the idea of Biblical Counseling as a go-to next step is the default response. I understand this, it may appear that this is a next logical step to go to get help. It is true that it may need to be an option, but what other options might we keep in view?
In 1-1 counseling cases, we spend our initial sessions gathering data, starting with the presenting issue(s) but then building upon this to glean more about context to help start to refine a “draft” at potential root issues. With the Spirit’s guidance, we soon start heading down a path to address a primary root issue in order to apply the gospel of Christ to meet the counselee where they are at in their journey with God. This data gathering exercise is also helpful up front in an initial meeting with anyone who is asking for some form of help, a “triage” if you will. Depending on the situation at hand and those involved there could be a few possibilities for a next step that fits best.
- One-time meeting: it is possible that although the situation is challenging, that a one-time conversation or face-to-face meeting is all that is needed. If the patterns that are being presented are generally healthy, then the key to this type of meeting is encouragement, “well done, keep doing what you’re doing”. Encouraging a habit of prayer and continued conversation with others (e.g., small group, another mentor or friend in Christ) are good reminders. In addition, possibly providing a few resources to further learn in specific areas can be a timely help. In our ACBC related training, this has also been called “directive” discipleship, a form of “one anothering”.
- Discipleship relationships: through conversation, it becomes clear that the best next step includes regular community (e.g., 1-1 mentoring, Growth Groups, Life Groups) and possibly resources (e.g., books/booklets to read, podcasts) that would provide the relationships and additional info to engage in on-going conversation in the journey. This would be considered another form of “one anothering” (directive discipleship). I’m always keeping an eye on the question of what “church community” connections are they currently connected to and always encourage in that direction regardless of any additional next steps.
- Biblical counseling: through conversation, if there surfaces a pattern of sinful living that prevails then Biblical counseling very well may be the best next step. Frequently it is those that identify with being “stuck” for some length of time that we are looking out for regarding fit for this option. Oftentimes also, either “one anothering” is non-existent or has been attempted and has been a help but not to fully address root issues. In our ACBC related training, this has also been called “corrective” discipleship. Our aim here is to rely on the Spirit and the Scriptures to help someone replace sinful patterns of living & responses to life with gospel centered patterns of living by applying the gospel of Christ to root issues. Those who are part of our Biblical Counseling team include Pastors and lay counselors as well as advocates who join in to add a unique element of community in the journey.
- Intensive discipleship: there are times where all of the previous have been attempted, and the situation has escalated to frequent lows that include life & death, extreme harm to self/others, or consequences that would be increasingly severe (e.g., jail/prison, lifelong physical consequences) if the trajectory continues. In some cases a complete removal from the current living context into an “intensive” discipleship context may be a fit. These are more rare cases, but necessary for some nonetheless. Residency type programs fall into this category. A familiar church in our Biblical counseling training (Faith Church, Lafayette IN) has one of these for men and one for women also.
So, as you engage with others and you are hearing about the challenges they are facing in life, consider the previous “triage” lens to determine a possible best next step. Our awareness of the previous options is another tool to help each person we meet take a next step with Jesus when life feels “over their head”!
