The Long Game With "Dating" Part 3

Author: Pastor Steve Duffy

 

We’ve been on this topic for a few weeks now. We could stay on this topic for many more weeks and do a deeper dive into so many areas, but my hope is that this has been sufficient to stir students to think Biblically about the topic and engage in the challenge they were given to do the hard work of arriving at personal convictions. Coupled with that, the challenge was given to do so with an older/wiser Christian (e.g., preferably a parent/guardian but also another trusted friend). The stirring that did happen generated many great questions which I’ll focus on in this week’s spotlight.

 

I’ll cover the questions raised and how they were addressed via a truth/lie list. Disclaimer, this did not cover all their questions, but the most common.

 

First things first though, we introduced a final principle to keep in view:
 

Your body is a temple of the Spirit, the dwelling place of God on earth, so glorify Him!
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” 1 Cor 6:19-20

 

You are a body and soul combined, one person. For those that are in Christ, He dwells within you by the Holy Spirit. That is a profound truth! And now onto the list, in the form of a truth or a lie exercise.

 

1.  I should be looking for that “one” person (checks off all on your list of preferences).

Lie. That “perfect” person doesn’t exist. God will bring you in the path of another person, then you both have the work to discern if moving forward is right, good, honoring to one another and the Lord most of all.

2.  Feelings/emotions aren’t important when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex.

Lie. We were created in the image of God and our God emotes! The important question is, “what do you do with emotions centered on another person?”. Watch out for the power of the emotional bond, and with that the temptation to move boundaries once emotions kick in. How far is too far? That is a great question. A deeper bond forms when you share deeper things. The more you share, more time and more meaningful content, the stronger the bond. This is true of any relationship. I think a good test might be, are there things you are sharing with someone with the opposite sex that you haven’t talked with God about through prayer and the Scriptures?

3.  Compatibility is the most important thing to focus on when considering who to date.

Lie. But why? Compatibility is important but low on the list (see the list of other things noted in the part 2 blog under what meaningful friendships look like). Compatibility is important, just not most important.

4.  Attraction to those of the opposite sex is important.

True. It is not unimportant or not neutral. The important question is “what do you do with attraction towards someone of the opposite sex?” You notice a guy or girl? Acknowledge them in an “image of God” way, not reducing them to an object, and then move on with both your eyes and your thoughts. Watch out for lust, the temptation creeps in when you keep the look and dwell on the thought. You can cover the full body, or create other safeguards/boundaries, but that doesn’t address the issue of lust, it is a heart issue (the desires that wage war within). And if attraction becomes a “main thing”, then temptation to move boundaries may surely follow. Consider also the principle of 1 Peter 3:3-4, to place an emphasis on inner beauty. Again, this goes with growing in the areas noted in part 2 of building meaningful friendships.

5.  I can know the will of God for my life in this area of relationships with the opposite sex.

True. But how? Consider passages like 1 Thes 4:3-5 and 1 Thes 4:16-18 to name a few. Now this doesn’t necessarily give you God’s specific will for your life such as if you should remain single or married as you get older, but you are called to singleness now, today. However, we do know the general will of God, basically all the commands in the NT!  And knowing that we have a Savior who lived the perfect life on our behalf when we ignore those commands, so that we are drawn back to Him and grow in following Him.

6.  Follow your heart when it comes to important decisions about who you should date.

Lie. Follow the Spirit! Consider Gal 5:16-24, especially when it comes to yielding to the flesh or yielding to the Spirit. Similarly Rom 8:1-11 is helpful.

7.  All physical touch is off limits with those of the opposite sex.

Lie. What might be permissible in our culture? Maybe a handshake, a fist bump, a high five, etc. What might be permissible for a friend of the opposite sex? What about a hug of some type? What might be permissible for a dating relationship? This is where you might have various opinions. Consider the call to “leave room for the Spirit” :) In a marriage relationship that seeks to glorify God, God is present in all physical touch. His design is for marriage to be where the husband/wife have the freedom to explore and define what pleases and benefits the other. If you are doing this in a dating relationship where do you draw the line? My sense is that when you invoke the power of touch you open a new area of a relationship that stirs something deeper… you awaken desires, feelings, thoughts that were meant to be applied to the marriage relationship. You have to decide for yourself, but the power of emotion in sharing deeper words is one thing, what stirs in us when physical touch occurs is a whole different level of influence over us.

8.  There are negative influences to be aware of regarding relationships with the opposite sex, including dating.

True. What are those? The world, the flesh, the evil one. The world… consider what you might take in without testing it from movies, shows/series, social media, billboards, teens you see in public, the advice of friends/family. What do you use to test what you take in? How about the flesh, meaning our sin nature which desires that contrary to God’s word, how do you test where your desires are headed? By God’s word and the Spirit!

9.  All of what we have been talking about applies to me pursuing another person, what if someone pursues me, then I shouldn’t miss the opportunity.

Lie. All the principles we have been talking about apply in this case also. This is a different situation though and may be uniquely challenging in itself to deal with. There is something powerful about being pursued. But, this must always sit under the truth that in Christ we have been pursued already, and loved in the most sacrificial way, by His death!

10.  If I feel like I’ve failed in this area of my life, in thought or action, forgiveness is available for most but not all things.

Lie, Christ’s work on the cross is sufficient to cover all sins. The call to unbeliever and believer alike is to repent and believe the good news of Jesus Christ!


Friends, the previous list could easily be appended with many more things, the point here is to take this conversation forward into a continual (lifetime) conversation on meaningful friendships with the opposite sex, and engaging in the topic of the wonderful call of God to singleness or marriage. With that, keep the conversation always centered on what it looks like to journey in that call in a way that is good for us in Christ, good for the others around us in Christ, and brings God most glory. Do this until we meet Him and experience the fullness of our relationship with Him and with one another!

 

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.” - Revelation 21:1-3

Recent Posts

I have to admit that I am frequently tempted towards discouragement when ministering the gospel to others given my desire to see change happen (a good thing) on my timeline (a not so good thing) and also with my specific strategies at play (a good and bad thing). There are counseling situations that are so complex and require the “long haul” perspective, that is, setting aside a desired or forced timeline to finish the counseling season to trust increasingly in the Spirit to work at some undefined time in the future. So how do we navigate these types of situations with faithfulness?

A Growth Group is 2 to 4 women meeting regularly with openness and vulnerability, to encourage one another to grow in becoming more like Jesus. They are designed for women to talk with one another about how what they are learning is directly impacting, challenging, and encouraging them in their walk with Jesus. It is so encouraging to hear how women’s lives are being transformed by these intimate groups filled with sisters in Christ spurring each other on.

As you reflect back on this past week, or month, it doesn’t take too long before you’re reminded that many people in your spheres of influence are facing trials. Many times these are situations that are over their head and the circumstances surrounding them are often complex. Life is hard and at the same time our God is always good and faithful though it all. When life gets hard, “counseling” is often mentioned as a default. How do we guide people to the next best step when life gets hard?